Time

Our whole life

Separated into

Segments of time

Like chapters in a book

Is like a rehearsal for what is to come.

Beginnings and endings.

As a child

I was always afraid of losing you.

And when I did

And that chapter of your life came to an end

I felt that separation, painful and permanent.

The second time I had become taken from you.

The first time

When I was born

And I no longer lived inside your body

And was trying to learn how to live outside of it.

Then when you died

The terrible ache of having you torn away from me.

I was no longer connected to you in life.

And my child,

Who danced for you in your final days

Suddenly began a new chapter in her life,

A quiet place

Away from your watchful gaze

No longer dancing for you

But behind the closed doors of her room

Shutting me out.

Suddenly as if over night

She shed her childhood

The way you shed your physical essence

And

I felt as if I had lost you both,

You my mother,

And the child that laughed and danced with ease.

By J. Hamilton

Ghost

I feel haunted

By the house

You left vacant.

The large bay window

Facing the street.

No longer the small

Curious faces of dogs

To watch me as I pass by.

Or the dark car

With the tinted windows

Parked in your driveway.

And the skeleton hanging off your mirror,

Your amulet.

I don’t know why it seems

So much more lonely

As summer fades

Fall arrives

For only a short time

To be quickly replaced by winter .

I remember the dream I had of you

Many winters ago.

In my dream

My daughter danced ahead of me on a narrow bridge by the lake.

The snow fell

And covered everything under it

In a heavy, bright white blanket.

Somehow in the snow drift

I saw you

And your dogs by your feet.

peering out from soft snow.

You greeted me in your usual way

Then you faded away

Into the blinding white

Blowing snow.

Maybe I am a ghost.

By J. HAMILTON

I never knew

How much missing you would hurt.

I knew the day would come

For you to leave

To find your own way.

But there is a fear of losing you

And only having the fragile pieces of the childhood

You left behind

To hold on to ,

Those glimpses of summer time,

Eyes filling up with the endless blue of sky

And the sun

Looking back at me

Inside them.

By j. Hamilton

To Ross

Today you moved away.

I watched your boxes

Overflowing with clothes

And your favourite books leave.

I have not been up to your room since you left.

I am not ready to see the empty space where your dresser stood

Or the bookcase

Sitting empty

And your closet

Just as bare.

I can’t help but remember

Your toys

And lego towers

And Good night

Moon

Sitting proudly on your shelves

When you were little.

For me

It feels like only yesterday

That you were small

Your sister even smaller

And our beloved dog

Still young.

Somehow bedtime stories would make us all sleep better

And I would curl up next to the three of you in that little bed.

I felt like I had found heaven.

You were all safe

Tucked in flannel sheets and dreaming.

This was heaven.

I found it here beside you

When you were little.

Seeing you leave today

Reminded me that you

Were ready to leave

And I was not.

I thought of the young bird I found

In a park

Just the other day.

I found him sitting on a yellow patch of   grass and

I didn’t think he knew how to fly

When  suddenly after some hesitation

All at once

He flew

As if he knew this was the right time.

So today

You too left

Because it was your time.

You walked across your childhood room

Glanced behind one last time

Then closed the door.

By J..Hamilton