There is that moment
When I watch you shuck your skin
And emerge with wings.
I can no longer contain you
Where I can watch you
and keep you safe behind a glass jar.
You are slowly changing,
Discovering new versions of you.
I can only watch from a distance
As you grow and fly
Though I wish I could still keep your wings safe from the flame,
Let you dance with fireflies but
Not let the fire steal your spark.
By J. Hamilton
Tonight I am going to wrap myself inside your blanket.
The one with the pale green squares
And the flower patches.
Your smell is gone.
And I don’t know if this was your favorite one.
But I remember it at the edge of your bed
Draped over your soft,
Cool feet.
It has been too long since I have felt your arms
Wrapped around me,
Felt your warm, pink cheek against mine.
I have this blanket left
To seek comfort from.
To hold it against me.
I want to close my eyes
Feel your breath,
Smell your skin cream against my face.
Feel you mouth the words,
Sempre vicino.
J. Hamilton
Last night I dreamt
I was home again.
A child perhaps.
I woke up
Felt the sun falling on my face
Like sap.
I wandered to your summer-sky-blue room,
Looked at your freshly made bed.
I walked past my father’s forest-green room,
Saw his feet sticking out from under his covers.
Heard him breathing heavily in his sleep.
I wandered down the steps into the kitchen.
Looking for you.
Your smile is the first one
I love to see.
The kitchen light is on.
The kitchen smells of breakfast
Being cooked.
I run back up the stairs,
Trying to find you.
I walk into your room.
It’s still,
Breathless.
Suddenly feels unlived in.
I head to my father’s room.
He is not there.
In his place
Dust particles
Floating in the light.
I realize I am here all alone.
I am haunted by your absence.
Perhaps I am the one
Haunting this house
Where we once all lived.
I search
And wait for you here.
J.Hamilton
sunset.
Naked limbs stretched out against a backdrop
Of pale blue sky
And pink dappled spaces
Between.
Two syllables
In a single heartbeat.
A breath
Under sinewed ribcage,
My body’s
Quiet glimpse
At peace
Stilled in a moment
Held sacred
By a sun slowly sinking
In it’s diminishing ebbs
Of light.
J. Hamilton
Walking on an icy sidewalk
On a winter’s day.
Searching for the cracks
Where dirt has fallen
To place my careful
Steps.
The wind slaps my face
Leaving its icy sting.
I walk a familiar path
But these feelings that rise up
As the cold wind that blows around me,
Violently,
Are different.
Loathing and fear
Sit on my heart
Like a heavy stone
With edges as sharp as broken glass.
J. Hamilton
It is this pain that knaws away at me
Deep in my womb
And spreads up
Like fire
Across my belly.
It wants a way out
But can’t escape.
And my fear bubbles
In the darkness inside
Where light once lived.
An ache both physical and
Emotional
To mend
To preserve what was lost
Profoundly palpable.
In it lives grief
In it’s many stages
